Segregation… in the Name of Love?

Okay.  So… I have been thinking about this topic for quite some time.  I am not currently in a relationship; but, I have had one dismantled by social media.  I was starting my junior year at Southern Illinois University—Carbondale when I noticed a mutual high school and Facebook friend of my at-the-time boyfriend post photos to her profile.  I ended up catching a glimpse of him cheating on me with his best friend.  Because of that, I have continued to view public character as skeptical when he/she is at the end of their social media paint brush.

The above image comes form the following hyperlink.

Relationships, when taken seriously, involve trusting the other individual, right?  When we love someone, we tend to give more than our all and compromise to make each other happy.  Besides sharing the pages of our private lives, we now have electronically drafted versions that share the pages of our public lives.  These social media platforms make it easier for disillusionment to happen–even if a relationship is built on trust; everyone is made susceptible to electronic tricks.  And, relationships that are built on scandal can, sometimes, outlast those being courting in the black and white imagery of reality.  One of the main reasons I was prompted to write this blog was because of a story about Alan O’Neill.  He was caught in a lie by Facebook’s friend suggestion.  He was previously married and never got divorced before being remarried to another woman.

Click hyperlink for origin of above image

To a certain extent, Facebook has become the Joey Greco of relationships. So, what do you do when the only thing that seems honest is social media?  On the opposite side of the pendulum, nosey partners use social networking as a way to poke and prod into a life that temporarily excludes a significant other.  I believe in privacy and that it is measured by what eyes are allotted and by how much of that is true.  Some people have public profiles that mirror nothing similar to their lifestyle; but, if you choose to lead a virtually naked life, you have to take the good with the bad.  One thing we need to ask ourselves is the following. Is it okay to segregate ourselves from our partners on social networking sites to keep the peace–the love–in relationships? Or, should everything be public. Let me know how your answer.

What about people like me?  Ever since that incident at my undergraduate university, I willingly opt to live in darkness; and, I choose not to let partners follow every social move on electronic stages because I do not believe they deserve every facet of my computerized being.   I believe everyone deserves privacy. The only problem is that the very definition is so marred that public, electronic privacy is starting to resemble an unorganized, Woodstock concert.

3 Ways Social Media Erases Our Identity

I was reading a Mashable article written by Adam Ostrow entitled “Is Social Media Actually Making Us Less Connected.” He asked the following question at the end of his blog. “Does technology threaten the quality of our relationships and personal development, or are such fears an overblown perception of a generation that didn’t grow up with digital?” And, I started to examine analytically the lifestyle of myself and many other social media junkies I would call my friends.

Image comes Christina Reed who blogs with Every Marketing Thing

To answer Ostrow’s question, I agree that technology threatens interpersonal relationships and add that social media detrimentally decreases the rate of social development in society. There are a few reasons why I believe that social networking sites create de-evolution in relationships.

1) Death of Intimacy

With respect to voiced, phone conversations, Americans are finding less intimate ways to communicate. Whether it is through a text message or public Facebook conversations, people are finding alternative methods to hide behind like perfected and auto-corrected jargon. All relationships require intimacy, but by opening yourself to the world, you segregate yourself into an emotionally stripped level of public intimacy. Even nowadays I still question why so many individuals publicly manage personal arguments through sub-tweets and public replies; then, I continue to question whether these individuals are seeking to compensating for their lack of daily, interpersonal attachment.

Image comes from Mashable Artible by Barb Dybwad

2) Divide Increased by Para-social Relationships

When did society choose to care more about what was happening with Kim Kardashian instead of what was happening at the dinner table? There are some people who know more intimate details in the life of a celebrity than they do in their own relationships. Why is that? Why do we choose to chase unfathomable connections? And, why do we choose to spend so much time reaching out to these individuals whose music “understands” us or whose comedic relief “eases” our stressful day? Jose Ortega y Gasset says,“Tell me to what you pay attention, and I will tell you who you are.” I guess it depends on who you follow to know if you are classified as a knowledge seeker or a creeper.

3) Technological Distance Amplifies Social Disconnect

We no longer have to hear or feel a person in order to stay connected; and, this mind-state further helps distance ourselves in public and personal relationships.

Image comes from Searching for Bright Light

I spoke with a friend earlier about technological detachment amplified by social media. We no longer know when someone is initially offended because he/she does not hear their gasp; and, unless they express their emotions, we have no knowledge of their pain. Even though it may be easier for insecure or socially awkward individuals to connect, the connection is quixotic because it is based on the expunging of personal identity. How are we ourselves when we continue to erase that image?